Discover the Power of Allowing Yourself to Cry
By Eren Mckay
Filed under Miscellaneous
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Hi! I'm Eren Mckay and I would like to thank you for reading my blog. I provide helpful tips for families in their daily lives and educational resources for teachers.
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Sometimes sadness overwhelms us and even though we may be positive people, no idea seems to be able to get us out of that “sad space” at that moment. I have felt like this. When this happens, we can’t even think straight. And even though there are plenty of things that we love to do in our lives, at that moment nothing seems to be
appealing. Absolutely nothing.
And it’s at moments like those where we have to say it’s ok now to just cry. It’s ok to let this emotion out. To feel this sadness. It’s ok. Because you’re human. Even Jesus cried. He let those feelings come and overflow with tears and he was God. Sometimes we think we need to be “perfect” and not cry. Or that crying is some sort of sign of negativity or weakness. Even sadder is the thought that crying is for girls. Crying is not a sign of weakness it’s a sign that you have a heart. That you’re human. That you care.
Sometimes there’s no other way to let out your emotions and that’s ok. Laughter is a way to release emotions too. But crying sometimes is the only way that we are able to manifest certain emotions of ours.
It’s important to understand the power of crying. There is a healing power in it. The power of being able to release that feeling. When you release it and take the time to come to terms with it, you’re able to move on. But if you keep it bottled up, two things might happen: you may end up internalizing or externalizing it in a not so good way. Internalizing it can cause you a lot of stress which will in turn bring up certain illnesses like ulcers, headaches, and many others. Bottling up emotions can be so strong it might overflow out of you in some other way like anger or even violence.
So my word for you today is to let yourself cry.
Let your heart express that feeling. You will be happier when you do. You will be happier because you are releasing it. And releasing something so strong will give you room to have other feelings that are happy come into your heart, your mind and soul. If you decide to hang onto it you will not have room in your heart to feel better things. It’s just like forgiveness. It frees our own hearts more than the person that we forgive.
After you cry and let that emotion come out then think of what you need to do to feel better. Sleep? Watch a movie? Look at pretty pictures? Write in your diary or blog?
Whatever it is that you can do, know that this emotion will pass and you will be able to move forward. After the storm there always come the rainbow. After the sadness there will always be joy.
Have you ever thought of crying as a positive thing? Do you allow yourself to cry? Do you think you should allow yourself to cry more? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.
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Elise Berenger
Great post Eren,
Not many people will ‘allow’ themselves to express this emotion, and especially in public. As you rightly say, it is good and healthy and definitely helps stop other ‘reactive’ emotions from bottling up this healthy expression.
Just as water spills out from a vessel when it can no longer be contained, so tears brim up when the intensity of the moment is too much to handle.
Even tears of joy are too often quickly wiped away.
Recent death in the family has brought many tears to my eyes. Not only in sadness, but in the happy memories too.
thanks for sharing Eren.
Roy Montero
Hi Eren,
The power of a “good cry” on a consistent basis is something that many people have yet to experience for one reason or another much less even personally know a person who does.
All through my childhood my parents used to share with me that it was okay to cry but it was not okay to engage in an “unhealthy cry” which meant I couldn’t whine, throw a fit, scream, or the like. They taught me the value of a “good cry” or a “healthy cry” which is something I now know is rare for parents to have taught their kids among my peers.
Crying is the best stress reliever that I know of. Crying is the best way to prevent rage and abuse that I know of.
No wonder there is so much spousal abuse, child abuse and elder abuse in our society.
If these “abusers” would only have been taught the power of and engaged in a “good healthy cry” on a consistent basis then there would be so much less (if any) rage within their spirit and the abuse of others would more than likely be nonexistent.
Whoever believes that crying is a sign of weakness believes wrongly and whoever believes that real men cry believes rightly.
Eren, what a great topic you wrote about here and I feel how deep you reached inside your spirit to write what you did.
This blog post about crying NEEDS to be retweeted a LOT, so if you’re reading this, please retweet it. You just may save someone’s life if you do.
Your Friend,
Roy Montero
Kikolani
Crying is an extremely powerful thing. I spent most of my teen years depressed, and then I went through the next decade trying to repress tears as much as possible unless I was alone. All of that repression led to the emotions coming out in other negative ways, and in general left me in an emotional state of turmoil. Once I found someone (my husband) who accepted my crying when I needed to, I was able to be more emotionally open, crying when I need to. And because of that, I am a lot more emotionally healthy than I used to be.
Danny
Although crying on occasion can be a healthy thing most people resist the urge to cry because like Roy mentions society and people in general have the misconception that crying is a weakness. There is nothing wrong with crying if it is going to make you feel better. Great post as usual Ms Eren.
Ari Herzog
I tend to define crying as exercise for the eyes. Can you seriously tell your eyes you won’t exercise them?
If I want to cry, I pop in the end of the film, “Armageddon” when Bruce Willis says goodbye to Liv Tyler. Niagara Falls every time.
Tamal
Hello Eren, I never cried since years and sometimes I feel am I not a human? Guess I was too strong to give it away! So far, people who are emotionally fragile, might think crying is their weakness, but if you go to Eren’s way, you’ll left with hope, ideas and creativity after each time you cry.
I believe when you sit alone and cry, you hear nothing and no thoughts in your mind.. that’s a great time to pray and give thanks to GOD for what you have now.
Sire
I remember when I was little I would cry because my feelings were hurt or because I didn’t get what I wanted. When I was older I seldom cried. Now I get teary when watching sad movies.
I don’t think that I can remember the release one would get from a good cry, but I think there is still time for me to find out.
Girish Chandran
Eren, you are 100% correct. Crying heals. It heals and bestows the worried mind with comfort and support.
@Sire, what happened with me, totally contradicts what happened with you. I think I am crying more now than when I was a kid.
Strangely catching up with the pace of life today, I am getting lost totally. But I have never cried explicitly. Emotions rush when I am aloof and think about the uncertain future and the quest for accomplishing my goals. The quest for wealth, quest for fame and quest to live definitely needs laughter as well as crying.
Eren, thanks for highlighting this emotion of human beings. I have more reasons now
Eren Mckay
@Elise - True. I think the key is that after we express and cry that we then need to have a plan for what to do afterwards. We have to get our mind out of the sadness once it’s let out. We have to be able to think of good and positive actions we can take to make us happier. This is what many people don’t “get”.
My aunt, for example, would tell me that she didn’t want to start to cry for fear of not stopping. And I totally get that. But at the same time if we don’t cry we don’t get released. We need to have something else to do or look forward to after we cry: it helps us to move on.
I thought of you all last month and could feel your pain. You’ve been through so much and I have seen how you keep moving forward. I love that about you.
@Roy - You bring up a point that I hadn’t really even thought of from that perspective. It’s very true that abusers have not gone through emotional healing and therefore end up hurting others. They bottled up the emotions and then let it out through being hurtful. Which is very unfortunate and unfair for the victims. But each person is accountable for the path that they will take…
@Kristi - It’s a wonderful thing to hear about your spiritual growth in learning how to deal with your emotions. Its such a blessing to have a husband that connects and allows you to be yourself. Finding someone like that is definitely key in helping you to grow and discover what brings you joy. The world needs more balanced, joyful, and caring people like you
@Danny - You just gave me an idea
. I think I might go have some words printed on a T- shirt- “It’s OK to cry” and wear it around the mall – LOL. Seriously we need to stop this idea that “Men don’t cry”. It’s not good for society.
@Ari - Never thought of crying as exercise for the eyes but I guess it is
. I’ll have to go see the end of that movie when I want to bawl – hee hee.
@Tamal – Thanks for the kind words Tamal. I used to cry very little but the many deaths of close loved ones opened up a river of tears in my life. That’s why I wrote this post. I have experienced deep suffering and before going through it, I never understood what now I do. The pain has changed me. It has made me grow.
@Sire - It’s a big release. The movie that illustrates this truth very well is “Closing the Ring”. It’s such a beautiful movie. You should watch it sometime. Here’s a wikipedia page on it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Closing_the_Ring
@Girish - I’m certain that you are able to achieve your goals. One truth that certainly helped me in understanding how to achieve my goals is to work through it. If I am happy: take action, if I am sad: take action, if I am mad: take action. So many times the emotional roller coaster ends up stopping us from taking action. And taking action is what will lead us to achieve our goals. One step at a time and we can get there for sure. Only stop to recover our strength and keep moving ahead. That is my motto.
Blessings my friends ♥,
Eren
miriam
I cry when i had to give up the best friend that i ever,had.It was the hardest thing i have ever had to do,and thinking of it now stills makes me want to cry.I still do e-mail him once in awhile but its not the same,it never be the same.
I guess just for today
I will live through this day only.I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow.I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems all at once.
Eren Mckay
Yes Miriam,
Losing a best friend will cause us to go into the state of grief. We need to let the stages of grief happen.
Crying just lets out the bad but we must think of putting the good in us after the bad is let out or else we will be left with a big feeling of empty. After we cry we must look forward as you said. Looking to what you learned through it all but mostly looking towards the goals that you have in your life.
After I cry I think about what can bring me joy. And those are the things that give me the strength to move on. Music has helped me a lot with grief. Writing out our feelings in a diary also helps gain perspective. What do you absolutely love to do? Write a list of those things and purposely include them in your daily lifestyle. Remember what you used to love to do when you were a kid and surround your life with those things. I can assure you that they will help you move forward.
{{{ Hugs to you }}}
Eren
Ruth
Dear Eren,
Once again you have spoken well about an important subject. Thank you for addressing this important release. Having taken two support classes after my husband died, I came to realize that crying is so important in the weeks and months after. In fact, it is thought of as a “catharsis.” In the class there was much crying and, after it all, I feel it was a very beneficial time of expressing our true feelings, getting in touch with reality, and bonding with those going through the same thing.
What a gift you have, Eren. Keep up your gracious ministry.
Love in Christ,
Ruth
Janis Miller
This is a great article, Eren. A “good cry” can be very healing and cleansing IMHO. I just wish I could look cute when I cry rather than all puffy and red! LOL
Eren Mckay
Hi Ruth,
I used to think that crying was a sad thing and that we should try to not cry so much so we can spend more time being happy. But going through losing 8 close loved ones in such a short amount of time I would find myself crying a whole lot. When I saw it as a release instead of something sad my perception became that it’s actually making room for joy. Now when I feel like crying I absolutely let it out. I’m so glad you enjoyed the article.
Hi Janis,
I look all pufffy and red too! As long as no one takes pics of me when I’m bawling I’m good. LOL
Blessings always ♥,
Eren
Maria @ Conversations with Moms
Thank you so much for this post. It is so well written. I’m printing it off and giving it to someone who needs to read it.
chris
hi, im going through a very emotional a stressfull time. im diagnosed deppression, and used to be able to let my emotions run frel. now, i feel so numb, i cant get happy or sad even with all the, how to stuff, but thats the rub your face and then dont blink. i cant take this numb feeling. i feel i need to cry in the worst way, just to let something out. if you could follow up with an e-mail, it would be gratly appreciated.
Jim Hardin
I can remember as a kid always being kind of emotional. I don’t know its just the way that I was and still am. I guess I haven’t changed. When I was 10 my parents got separated and divorced. I was very upset and emotional and cried. My sister on the other hand did not cry from what I remember. I dont know why she didn’t she just didn’t.
To this day I am still an emotional type person I guess you could say. I mean I don’t cry all the time, but when I see something that touches my heart it can make me cry. I will say I have cried in front of my kids. I don’t remember the circumstances, but I have and I think its ok. I think it shows them that it is ok to cry. They were I have to say very emotional and trying to help me when I did cry in front of them.
Anyways I think crying is a healthy normal emotion that needs to be let out from time to time.
Eren Mckay
@Maria - I’m so glad that you will be printing this out and giving it to someone who needs it. Sometimes it just takes one thought to change our perspective and help us move on with a bit more joy in our hearts.
@Chris – I know what you mean when you talk about the “numb state”. I’ve been in that state before but I’ve been able to get out of it. One of the biggest things that helped me get out of it were mature people that surrounded me and helped me through those moments. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness- it’s a sign of maturity. You need to ask others to help you. You’ve probably heard this before, but people that are trained ( professional counselors) can actually understand where you are at so that they can help you get the right perspective on things.
It’s important to cry but then after you let it out make the decision to think and do happy things. Things that bring you some kind of joy. If this second step is ignored you might just get “stuck” in the crying state.
Happiness is a decision. Once we let out the sad emotions we need to run after the good. Make a list of things that brought you happiness once and start to incorporate them into your life. You will start to discover the joy little by little.
Here are a few posts that might help you out:
How to stay at peace while being more productive
Why goal setting is important.
@Jim – I’m sorry to hear about all of the emotional pain you went through with the divorce. I’m sure your sister was also going through it but her way of showing it was not through crying. Thank you for sharing your childhood experience.
I completely agree with you that crying is a healthy emotion. I’m glad that you have allowed yourself to cry in front of your children. That is a truly wonderful example for them to follow.
The secret for crying to be a positive thing is for us to think of good and positive things after we cry. To focus on our goals and dreams.
Blessings my friends ♥,
Eren
james samy
Nice post Eren. I now know why crying makes a person better emotional and also the outer look of a person. Thank you for sharing and really great.
Eren Mckay
Hi James,
Very true letting out our emotions is essential for overall health. So many physical illnesses happen because of emotions that are bottled up. Glad this helped you.
Blessings ♥,
Eren
Ana Goncalves
Dear Eren,
That’s right crying is very essential to human growth and the healing process, because it provides the awareness and ability to acknowledge what is going on and have the freedom to let it go and accept that crying is part of that process. It’s very natural and it is always wonderful to go with how you feel and allow yourself to let something out when need be, as it is a form of release and at the same time a great lesson about ourselfs.
Great post!
katie
So today in class we were talking about psychological illneses and for some reason i raised my hand to talk about my friend and the things she does becaue of her illnes. Sine her episodes effect me deepy , the second i started talking about it , i started to cry, which never hapend to me, at least not in public. So should i apologize to the class for crying?
Roy Montero
@Katie Absolutely NOT!
There is no need to apologize for crying in your situation. In fact, there is never a need to apologize for crying any more than you need to apologize for being human. The End!
Eren Mckay
@Ana – Exactly. When we cry we acknowledge where we are emotionally and also get out of our system what needs to be let out. Great points!
@Roy – Yes crying is essential because it’s part of the way we were created.
@Katie – All those feelings you had inside of you needed to come out. Since you hadn’t talked about this issue to where it had come out, it remained inside of you for quite some time.
There is no need to apologize for crying. Jesus cried and he didn’t apologize for crying.
It may have felt embarrassing to you to be vulnerable publicly but I can assure you that many people were helped by your openness. We sometimes want to hide our feelings thinking it would be shameful but when we open ourselves up we help ourselves and help others. For example, I recently wrote a post about how even though I’m 32 years old I still love Barbies and Strawberry Shortcake (hee hee). Because I wrote that post I had several people emailing me telling me that they also love Barbie and that the post really touched them.
So the point is that it’s good for you to talk out, write out and cry out what needs to be let out of you. Make this a practice in your life and you will see that you’ll be much happier and able to deal with your friend’s problems more.
Blessings to all of you ♥,
Eren
Karla Bond
Love this post! Everyone needs to be reminded it’s okay to cry!
Young And Fabulous
I agree! Crying is a form of outlet, a way for us to acknowledge and accept what we are feeling at the moment and release it. I cry a lot, even just watching sad movies (and yes, I’m shallow, but hey, I’m easy to please too). By crying a lot, I’m able to let go, and move on, and focus my thoughts and energy to creation and happiness.
Debbie Lattuga
I think the reason we have so much dis-ease in our society is because we no longer allow ourselves to really feel our emotions.
Especially the “less desirable” ones. And I really think that not feeling, disconnects us from our bodies.
Allowing to feel our emotions fully (in an appropriate, safe place) really allows us to feel more whole.
Roy Montero
@Debbie I absolutely agree with you about why we have so much dis-ease!!!
This is especially true for males, but I for one had a wonderful and wise father that taught me that it’s okay to cry, it’s just not okay to whine, LOL.
Real men cry!
Eren Mckay
@Karla - very true. Just yesterday I was talking to a friend that thinks we should never ever cry in public. I used to only cry in extreme situations. Now I cry whenever I feel like crying or else I’ll explode-
.
And if I’m in public, I’ll just find a nice chair to sit in and bawl- LOL
@Cherrie – When thinking of you the last word I would think of is shallow. You are sensitive- I am too and that’s ok. A friend of mine told me it’s because I’m female… hee hee. Actually I believe men suffer more emotionally because they are taught that they shouldn’t cry. I teach my boys that it’s okay to cry but to always find something positive to think of or do after crying so they don’t feel empty but rather released.
@Debbie – Excellent point of not feeling disconnects us from our bodies – so very very true. A lot of physical illness starts with the emotional aspect.
@Roy – Yes that’s what I tell my sons …
Blessings ♥,
Eren