Discover the Power of Allowing Yourself to Cry

Elise Berenger  



Great post Eren,
Not many people will ‘allow’ themselves to express this emotion, and especially in public. As you rightly say, it is good and healthy and definitely helps stop other ‘reactive’ emotions from bottling up this healthy expression.

Just as water spills out from a vessel when it can no longer be contained, so tears brim up when the intensity of the moment is too much to handle.

Even tears of joy are too often quickly wiped away.
Recent death in the family has brought many tears to my eyes. Not only in sadness, but in the happy memories too.

thanks for sharing Eren.

Roy Montero  



Hi Eren,

The power of a “good cry” on a consistent basis is something that many people have yet to experience for one reason or another much less even personally know a person who does.

All through my childhood my parents used to share with me that it was okay to cry but it was not okay to engage in an “unhealthy cry” which meant I couldn’t whine, throw a fit, scream, or the like. They taught me the value of a “good cry” or a “healthy cry” which is something I now know is rare for parents to have taught their kids among my peers.

Crying is the best stress reliever that I know of. Crying is the best way to prevent rage and abuse that I know of.

No wonder there is so much spousal abuse, child abuse and elder abuse in our society.

If these “abusers” would only have been taught the power of and engaged in a “good healthy cry” on a consistent basis then there would be so much less (if any) rage within their spirit and the abuse of others would more than likely be nonexistent.

Whoever believes that crying is a sign of weakness believes wrongly and whoever believes that real men cry believes rightly.

Eren, what a great topic you wrote about here and I feel how deep you reached inside your spirit to write what you did.

This blog post about crying NEEDS to be retweeted a LOT, so if you’re reading this, please retweet it. You just may save someone’s life if you do.

Your Friend,

Roy Montero

Kikolani  



Crying is an extremely powerful thing. I spent most of my teen years depressed, and then I went through the next decade trying to repress tears as much as possible unless I was alone. All of that repression led to the emotions coming out in other negative ways, and in general left me in an emotional state of turmoil. Once I found someone (my husband) who accepted my crying when I needed to, I was able to be more emotionally open, crying when I need to. And because of that, I am a lot more emotionally healthy than I used to be.

Danny  



Although crying on occasion can be a healthy thing most people resist the urge to cry because like Roy mentions society and people in general have the misconception that crying is a weakness. There is nothing wrong with crying if it is going to make you feel better. Great post as usual Ms Eren.

Ari Herzog  



I tend to define crying as exercise for the eyes. Can you seriously tell your eyes you won’t exercise them?

If I want to cry, I pop in the end of the film, “Armageddon” when Bruce Willis says goodbye to Liv Tyler. Niagara Falls every time.

Tamal  



Hello Eren, I never cried since years and sometimes I feel am I not a human? Guess I was too strong to give it away! So far, people who are emotionally fragile, might think crying is their weakness, but if you go to Eren’s way, you’ll left with hope, ideas and creativity after each time you cry.

I believe when you sit alone and cry, you hear nothing and no thoughts in your mind.. that’s a great time to pray and give thanks to GOD for what you have now.

Sire  



I remember when I was little I would cry because my feelings were hurt or because I didn’t get what I wanted. When I was older I seldom cried. Now I get teary when watching sad movies.

I don’t think that I can remember the release one would get from a good cry, but I think there is still time for me to find out.

Girish Chandran  



Eren, you are 100% correct. Crying heals. It heals and bestows the worried mind with comfort and support.

@Sire, what happened with me, totally contradicts what happened with you. I think I am crying more now than when I was a kid.

Strangely catching up with the pace of life today, I am getting lost totally. But I have never cried explicitly. Emotions rush when I am aloof and think about the uncertain future and the quest for accomplishing my goals. The quest for wealth, quest for fame and quest to live definitely needs laughter as well as crying.

Eren, thanks for highlighting this emotion of human beings. I have more reasons now

Eren Mckay  



@Elise - True. I think the key is that after we express and cry that we then need to have a plan for what to do afterwards. We have to get our mind out of the sadness once it’s let out. We have to be able to think of good and positive actions we can take to make us happier. This is what many people don’t “get”.
My aunt, for example, would tell me that she didn’t want to start to cry for fear of not stopping. And I totally get that. But at the same time if we don’t cry we don’t get released. We need to have something else to do or look forward to after we cry: it helps us to move on.
I thought of you all last month and could feel your pain. You’ve been through so much and I have seen how you keep moving forward. I love that about you.

@Roy - You bring up a point that I hadn’t really even thought of from that perspective. It’s very true that abusers have not gone through emotional healing and therefore end up hurting others. They bottled up the emotions and then let it out through being hurtful. Which is very unfortunate and unfair for the victims. But each person is accountable for the path that they will take…

@Kristi - It’s a wonderful thing to hear about your spiritual growth in learning how to deal with your emotions. Its such a blessing to have a husband that connects and allows you to be yourself. Finding someone like that is definitely key in helping you to grow and discover what brings you joy. The world needs more balanced, joyful, and caring people like you

@Danny - You just gave me an idea . I think I might go have some words printed on a T- shirt- “It’s OK to cry” and wear it around the mall – LOL. Seriously we need to stop this idea that “Men don’t cry”. It’s not good for society.

@Ari - Never thought of crying as exercise for the eyes but I guess it is . I’ll have to go see the end of that movie when I want to bawl – hee hee.

@Tamal – Thanks for the kind words Tamal. I used to cry very little but the many deaths of close loved ones opened up a river of tears in my life. That’s why I wrote this post. I have experienced deep suffering and before going through it, I never understood what now I do. The pain has changed me. It has made me grow.

@Sire - It’s a big release. The movie that illustrates this truth very well is “Closing the Ring”. It’s such a beautiful movie. You should watch it sometime. Here’s a wikipedia page on it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Closing_the_Ring

@Girish - I’m certain that you are able to achieve your goals. One truth that certainly helped me in understanding how to achieve my goals is to work through it. If I am happy: take action, if I am sad: take action, if I am mad: take action. So many times the emotional roller coaster ends up stopping us from taking action. And taking action is what will lead us to achieve our goals. One step at a time and we can get there for sure. Only stop to recover our strength and keep moving ahead. That is my motto.

Blessings my friends ♥,
Eren

miriam  



I cry when i had to give up the best friend that i ever,had.It was the hardest thing i have ever had to do,and thinking of it now stills makes me want to cry.I still do e-mail him once in awhile but its not the same,it never be the same.
I guess just for today
I will live through this day only.I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow.I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems all at once.

Eren Mckay  



Yes Miriam,
Losing a best friend will cause us to go into the state of grief. We need to let the stages of grief happen.
Crying just lets out the bad but we must think of putting the good in us after the bad is let out or else we will be left with a big feeling of empty. After we cry we must look forward as you said. Looking to what you learned through it all but mostly looking towards the goals that you have in your life.
After I cry I think about what can bring me joy. And those are the things that give me the strength to move on. Music has helped me a lot with grief. Writing out our feelings in a diary also helps gain perspective. What do you absolutely love to do? Write a list of those things and purposely include them in your daily lifestyle. Remember what you used to love to do when you were a kid and surround your life with those things. I can assure you that they will help you move forward.
{{{ Hugs to you }}}
Eren

Ruth  



Dear Eren,

Once again you have spoken well about an important subject. Thank you for addressing this important release. Having taken two support classes after my husband died, I came to realize that crying is so important in the weeks and months after. In fact, it is thought of as a “catharsis.” In the class there was much crying and, after it all, I feel it was a very beneficial time of expressing our true feelings, getting in touch with reality, and bonding with those going through the same thing.
What a gift you have, Eren. Keep up your gracious ministry.
Love in Christ,
Ruth

Janis Miller  



This is a great article, Eren. A “good cry” can be very healing and cleansing IMHO. I just wish I could look cute when I cry rather than all puffy and red! LOL

Eren Mckay  



Hi Ruth,
I used to think that crying was a sad thing and that we should try to not cry so much so we can spend more time being happy. But going through losing 8 close loved ones in such a short amount of time I would find myself crying a whole lot. When I saw it as a release instead of something sad my perception became that it’s actually making room for joy. Now when I feel like crying I absolutely let it out. I’m so glad you enjoyed the article.

Hi Janis,
I look all pufffy and red too! As long as no one takes pics of me when I’m bawling I’m good. LOL

Blessings always ♥,
Eren

Maria @ Conversations with Moms  



Thank you so much for this post. It is so well written. I’m printing it off and giving it to someone who needs to read it.

chris  



hi, im going through a very emotional a stressfull time. im diagnosed deppression, and used to be able to let my emotions run frel. now, i feel so numb, i cant get happy or sad even with all the, how to stuff, but thats the rub your face and then dont blink. i cant take this numb feeling. i feel i need to cry in the worst way, just to let something out. if you could follow up with an e-mail, it would be gratly appreciated.

Jim Hardin  



I can remember as a kid always being kind of emotional. I don’t know its just the way that I was and still am. I guess I haven’t changed. When I was 10 my parents got separated and divorced. I was very upset and emotional and cried. My sister on the other hand did not cry from what I remember. I dont know why she didn’t she just didn’t.

To this day I am still an emotional type person I guess you could say. I mean I don’t cry all the time, but when I see something that touches my heart it can make me cry. I will say I have cried in front of my kids. I don’t remember the circumstances, but I have and I think its ok. I think it shows them that it is ok to cry. They were I have to say very emotional and trying to help me when I did cry in front of them.

Anyways I think crying is a healthy normal emotion that needs to be let out from time to time.

Eren Mckay  



@Maria - I’m so glad that you will be printing this out and giving it to someone who needs it. Sometimes it just takes one thought to change our perspective and help us move on with a bit more joy in our hearts.

@Chris – I know what you mean when you talk about the “numb state”. I’ve been in that state before but I’ve been able to get out of it. One of the biggest things that helped me get out of it were mature people that surrounded me and helped me through those moments. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness- it’s a sign of maturity. You need to ask others to help you. You’ve probably heard this before, but people that are trained ( professional counselors) can actually understand where you are at so that they can help you get the right perspective on things.
It’s important to cry but then after you let it out make the decision to think and do happy things. Things that bring you some kind of joy. If this second step is ignored you might just get “stuck” in the crying state.
Happiness is a decision. Once we let out the sad emotions we need to run after the good. Make a list of things that brought you happiness once and start to incorporate them into your life. You will start to discover the joy little by little.
Here are a few posts that might help you out:
How to stay at peace while being more productive
Why goal setting is important.

@Jim – I’m sorry to hear about all of the emotional pain you went through with the divorce. I’m sure your sister was also going through it but her way of showing it was not through crying. Thank you for sharing your childhood experience.
I completely agree with you that crying is a healthy emotion. I’m glad that you have allowed yourself to cry in front of your children. That is a truly wonderful example for them to follow.
The secret for crying to be a positive thing is for us to think of good and positive things after we cry. To focus on our goals and dreams.
Blessings my friends ♥,
Eren

james samy  



Nice post Eren. I now know why crying makes a person better emotional and also the outer look of a person. Thank you for sharing and really great.

Eren Mckay  



Hi James,
Very true letting out our emotions is essential for overall health. So many physical illnesses happen because of emotions that are bottled up. Glad this helped you.
Blessings ♥,
Eren

Ana Goncalves  



Dear Eren,
That’s right crying is very essential to human growth and the healing process, because it provides the awareness and ability to acknowledge what is going on and have the freedom to let it go and accept that crying is part of that process. It’s very natural and it is always wonderful to go with how you feel and allow yourself to let something out when need be, as it is a form of release and at the same time a great lesson about ourselfs.
Great post!

katie  



So today in class we were talking about psychological illneses and for some reason i raised my hand to talk about my friend and the things she does becaue of her illnes. Sine her episodes effect me deepy , the second i started talking about it , i started to cry, which never hapend to me, at least not in public. So should i apologize to the class for crying?

Roy Montero  



@Katie Absolutely NOT!

There is no need to apologize for crying in your situation. In fact, there is never a need to apologize for crying any more than you need to apologize for being human. The End!

Eren Mckay  



@Ana – Exactly. When we cry we acknowledge where we are emotionally and also get out of our system what needs to be let out. Great points!

@Roy – Yes crying is essential because it’s part of the way we were created.

@Katie – All those feelings you had inside of you needed to come out. Since you hadn’t talked about this issue to where it had come out, it remained inside of you for quite some time.
There is no need to apologize for crying. Jesus cried and he didn’t apologize for crying.
It may have felt embarrassing to you to be vulnerable publicly but I can assure you that many people were helped by your openness. We sometimes want to hide our feelings thinking it would be shameful but when we open ourselves up we help ourselves and help others. For example, I recently wrote a post about how even though I’m 32 years old I still love Barbies and Strawberry Shortcake (hee hee). Because I wrote that post I had several people emailing me telling me that they also love Barbie and that the post really touched them.
So the point is that it’s good for you to talk out, write out and cry out what needs to be let out of you. Make this a practice in your life and you will see that you’ll be much happier and able to deal with your friend’s problems more.

Blessings to all of you ♥,
Eren

Karla Bond  



Love this post! Everyone needs to be reminded it’s okay to cry!

Young And Fabulous  



I agree! Crying is a form of outlet, a way for us to acknowledge and accept what we are feeling at the moment and release it. I cry a lot, even just watching sad movies (and yes, I’m shallow, but hey, I’m easy to please too). By crying a lot, I’m able to let go, and move on, and focus my thoughts and energy to creation and happiness.

Debbie Lattuga  



I think the reason we have so much dis-ease in our society is because we no longer allow ourselves to really feel our emotions.

Especially the “less desirable” ones. And I really think that not feeling, disconnects us from our bodies.

Allowing to feel our emotions fully (in an appropriate, safe place) really allows us to feel more whole.

Roy Montero  



@Debbie I absolutely agree with you about why we have so much dis-ease!!!

This is especially true for males, but I for one had a wonderful and wise father that taught me that it’s okay to cry, it’s just not okay to whine, LOL.

Real men cry!

Eren Mckay  



@Karla - very true. Just yesterday I was talking to a friend that thinks we should never ever cry in public. I used to only cry in extreme situations. Now I cry whenever I feel like crying or else I’ll explode- .
And if I’m in public, I’ll just find a nice chair to sit in and bawl- LOL

@Cherrie – When thinking of you the last word I would think of is shallow. You are sensitive- I am too and that’s ok. A friend of mine told me it’s because I’m female… hee hee. Actually I believe men suffer more emotionally because they are taught that they shouldn’t cry. I teach my boys that it’s okay to cry but to always find something positive to think of or do after crying so they don’t feel empty but rather released.

@Debbie – Excellent point of not feeling disconnects us from our bodies – so very very true. A lot of physical illness starts with the emotional aspect.

@Roy – Yes that’s what I tell my sons …

Blessings ♥,
Eren

n  



I haven’t allowed myself to cry in over three years and just recently climbed a hurdle in therapy-the wall I put up over 20 years ago-came down (all at once)-felt all kinds of emotions at one time. Emotions that I thought I had tucked far far away. But I still haven’t been able to cry. Came close the other night-my eyes watered up but not tears and then just like that it was gone. I grew up in a house where it was okay to cry-but in the last twenty years I refused to get hurt again in anyway shape or fashion.

Eren Mckay  



Dear n - I`m thinking that maybe you have associated crying with getting hurt. In your mind you might be thinking that if you cry you will be allowing yourself to get hurt. The truth is that you probably got hurt and are in denial of having allowed it to happen. The only way for you to truly move on.. will be to address the hurt you went through and get it out of your system. Then go back and change your perspective on your traumatic events so that you can be at peace with it all. Maybe your therapist can help you through this process. hope this helped in some way.
❀ღℒℴts ℴƒ ℒℴѵℯ ღ❀
Eren

Ruth Crawl  



Eren,
I have shed a lot tears thinking about the hypocrisy and addiction of some fellow-church-goers. Here are my thoughts and prayers for an enlightenment:
The Unholy Addiction

There should be an adjunct AA for church goers. Toxicity is often high and addiction is often
misunderstood. Repetitive behavior with endless diminishing or destructive results is often the case.
One only has to observe the poor fervent efforts of an addicted “goer.” Watch him as he sleepily wrenches himself out of a warm bed, struggles to get dress, snags a bite to eat, rounds up some fussy children and stone-faced wife and propels them to a Designated Convening Area. Hear the familiar tones of a cat fight as he and his Mrs. reach heights heretofore unknown. Watch the children flail about as the surreal nightmarish procession wings its way to the DCA, otherwise know as Sanctuary. Why? The addiction deludes one into believing that this is holy, this is right, this is mandatory.
This is only the first-onslaught of the rest of the story. The addiction is so strong that the victims are often deluded, unlike alcoholics, into believing that this is actually good for you. As they approach the church (DCA), a euphoria settles over them. Father’s countenance settles into a placid smile and the whole family knows that the ‘warfare cycle’ is over. The next step is approach-avoidance of nosey DCA members all pretending to be ‘caring.’ Frequently heard words are: “We love you, did you have a good week, how was that Dr.’s appointment, how did it go at the beach?” Trying to avoid such adjunct members of the supreme-question-court, father, mother, and children all smiling retreat to a back pew.
There, the third cycle begins. Junior’s “tics” begin. Sally has to go potty. Mother’s eye-makeup runs, and Father is smiling. Like a phantom of the opera, his smile is plastered and ready. Smiling through pain enough times renders one a helpless paralytic who is oblivious to normal sensory perception. It is the climax of the addiction. All else is denouement and utter exhaustion. After church Sunday naps are like hang-overs—one never knows whether there will be a headache or vomit at the termination. Addictions disguise themselves with a strange warm feeling that somehow in God’s great universe, man is somehow justified and holy if he goes through these cycles. The last scene is a pasted look of satisfaction that, yes, Father went to church and all is well. AAAAAHHH ! AA’s new name: AOAM = Addicts On A Mission

Eren Mckay  



Hi Ruth,
That`s a good description of people who are religious church goers but don`t cultivate a relationship with God.
Unfortunately it is the reality of a good portion of “church goers”. Empty on the inside living a facade of happiness and holiness.
Being open and honest about our spiritual condition is a requirement for true spiritual growth. even more sad is when the pastor fakes a spiritual life for years…
Hypocrites are sad.. All we can do is pray for them.
Blessings sis ♥,
Eren

chris  



I was taught that men don’t cry.I have a hard time of letting go.I can’t even shed one tear.Anything I can do to open up the flood gates.I really feel the need to cry.I have been praying on what to do.

n  



You nailed it that is exactly what it is. I built a wall up years ago (13) so that I couldn’t get hurt and recently that wall came down and I am dealing with all these different emotions that I thought I had tucked away, only problem is all these emotions came at the same time-my therapist and I are working on one emotion at a time and that seems to be working really great I was just scared that I would not be able to cry-but dealing with these emotions instead of storing them away will help me get past this pain (hurt).Thank you so much for your advice.

Eren Mckay  



Hi Chris – When all of my feelings were bottled up and the tears wouldn`t come.. I did something intuitively and it really helped me. The thing is, I am very in tune with the thoughts that go through my mind. I talk them out… I write them out. Feelings come from thoughts and usually those thoughts are not completely true. The key is to find out what the thoughts are in order to to unmask them. I`m writing a chapter in my ebook about this right now. I`m not done yet with it but it will map this process of identifying lies and holding onto truth very well.
In other words.. your goal is to discover what the truth is and to hold onto it because it will heal you and give you peace.
Now that i have told you that basis of getting grounded.. I can tell you what I did to let out my feelings. I would watch something very sad and listen to sad music in order to get that sadness in me out. I would cry and cry and cry until I was cried out. But this is just the first step. After crying.. I would start to listen to really calm music to calm me down then other songs that were calm but had a bit more rhythm until I was emotionally ready to get to the happy songs and happy movies.
It`s a process where you can take yourself emotionally from sad… to less sad ….to calm… to a bit happy ….then to happier. You can this music therapy on yourself and focus on on good positive thoughts to get out of the sad place. It really works. I suggest looking for a music therapist and a good Christian psychologist to help you if you feel you need assistance.

Hi n – Yes childhood and teen trauma can severely affect us and our ability to cope with our emotions. I am so glad that you are taking the necessary steps to heal yourself and get completely restored. Remember that you are a wonderful contribution to this world and taking care of yourself is essential for you to be the blessing that God wants you to be to those around you. Kudos to you and be gentle on yourself. Things happen when they have to happen. Give yourself the time that you need to heal and restore.

Blessings always,
Eren

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ES  



Hey
I’ve always been such a big cryer because it made me feel better however, so many bad things happened all at once in my life I lost the ability to cry, I don’t know if that makes sense..my eyes fill with tears and then I feel ridiculous so I start to laugh. I am generally a positive person, always laughing the loudest but I feel empty inside. People(including family) always tell me I’m emotionless and its true, I never say ‘I love you’, I don’t like to hug nd I’m a girl with 3 sisters! I pray for something to make me cry because I feel like I’m carrying a huge load in my chest.

KJ  



Dear Eren,
First off, I just want to say thanks for all of your articles and blogs. I stumbled across your website amd I have been enjoying many of your articles, they are very nicely written. I found this one and once I read it I felt like you were writing it direcrly to me. Going through my teen years I have dealt with many trials at high school, and am still struggling with depression. I always felt like it made me weak to cry, and at one point I got to the point where I was emotionally numb and couldn’t even make myself cry. Dealing with all of this, I never found a good way to cope, and I turned to self-mutilation. I struggled severely with that for a few years, but have recently been free of that. I pray and pray everyday that God will help me get past all of this darkness and pain, but I tend to continue to struggle with it still. I will be going into college in a few weeks and the stress of that has brought upon many similar dark feelings. I really enjoyed this article because it reminds me that it is ok to cry, and that it is ok to be open with others about personal struggles and pain. Although I continue to struggle daily, this article was a great encouragement to me, as well as many of your other blogs. Thanks for all you do! And may God bless you dearly

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